Contributors
Stephanie is the main author of the Spliit lifestyle blog. She is a recovering borderline. She creates art and writing about her experiences with the disorder and is the founder and president of Love Is The Cure. She has knowledge and interest in the areas of marketing, art, media, psychology, and mood disorders.
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Our exciting love and relationships advice column, Dr. Aleks, On Love, is brought to you by Love Is The Cure and Dr. Aleksandra Drecun. Dr. Drecun is the founder of Association for Compassionate Transformation. She is a licensed psychologist, psychotherapist,and life coach who has a profound passion and derives immense gratitude from assisting individuals, couples and families in realizing their fullest potential.
For more information, please contact Dr. Drecun at Dr.Drecun@a4ct.com or visit our website at www.a4ct.com or our blog at http://a4ct.blogspot.com.
Our fabulous gossip and opinion editorial brought to you by columnist Kayla Cubbage and guest columnist Stefania Price. This column delivers your fix of the outrageous, the controversial, and the questionable. Kayla is an avid blogger, writer and social networker with knack for uncovering hot topics.
9 Responses to "Contributors"
July 10, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Dear Dr. Aleks,
Thanks so much for writing this blog. I think it is quite helpful considering the huge stigma that BPD carries. I work with families of people with BPD and wrote a book last year so help partners and parents learn to be more effective in their relationships with someone with BPD. It is astounding to me the large amount of vitriol there is floating around the Internet toward people with BPD. I noticed that when the NY Times published an article on BPD last month, most of the comments from readers were decidedly negative towards the people with BPD in their lives.
My purpose is to educate family members about BPD and to teach effective skills. I essentially agree with your premise the love is the cure – although my formulation of the answer is that compassion + emotional agility is the “cure” for BPD (at least when it comes to family members).
Keep up the good work and thanks for linking to my blog.
Bon
July 10, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Hi Bon,
I am actually the author the this blog and Dr. Drecun is a contributing writer but I’m glad you enjoy our content and feel free to mention any topics you would like to see covered.
Thanks!
Stephanie
July 14, 2009 at 4:17 am
Why is the vitriol astounding? People have been put through hell by BPDers, who have made life draining and frightening. Yes, it is better to provide compassion especially given the abuse many BPDers have gone through. Personally, I would pummel the teeth out of the BPDer in my life if it were legal. Inability to argue rationally, abusive anger….of course there will be vitriol. Taming that would be easier if you recognized that there are rational reasons or origins for the vitriol against the irrational.
July 20, 2009 at 11:33 pm
There’s also rational reasons for codependency. I would advise finding out what those are and dealing with your issues entailing them. Or better yet, find the door and walk out of it. BPDers have enough issues without adding someone elses’ martyr/victim complex on top of their already heavy loads.
July 14, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Love Is The Cure my friend! This world definitely doesn’t have enough of it but change is possible and I am here to become a catalyst of that, an agent of change.
August 18, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Hi…I’ve recently been diagnosed with BDP. It explains so much of my previous behaviour, and doesn’t frighten me like I thought such a diagnosis might.
I am in a very committed relationship, and whilst it is reasonably new (3 months) he is aware of my diagnosis. It doesn’t bother him, beyond him not knowing how to help.
Truth be told I’m not sure how he can help.
I also have Bulimia, which he has been wonderfully helpful and supportive with (haven’t purged for 6 weeks now!). But he seems lost on BPD.
I have tried to explain what it is, asked him to read some things (which he has) but I don’t think he understands. (which I suppose is usual for someone who is/always has been mentally healthy…how can he relate?)
Basically, I was hoping for some advice on how to explain how it affects me…a more pragmatic explanation than just rattling off the symptoms.
Any advice?
Cheers for this great project!
Zach
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July 9, 2009 at 12:43 am
Dr. Aleks,
I have started a new relationship with a man that I have know for a while and it has progressed to the point of us having sexual relations. This is not something that bothered me except for the fact that for many year I had been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and they teach that it is wrong to have sex with someone unless you are married.
I talked to my counselor about it and the response that I got from him made me feel like I was in some way being judged but I don’t think that is what he was meaning it to come across as…
He told me that when people have sex before they are married then all communication stops in the relationship. That having sex before marriage just causes undue anxiety between the partners and that it would be better if I was to wait.
He told me to read several famous novels that would help me to understand what he was saying.
Now I am really confused…is having sex before a person is married so wrong because it doesn’t bother me, but if it does cause problems to a relations that is just starting then I would rather wait.
Barbie
July 30, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hi,
I’m not in agreement at all. One of the best things about my last relationship was the sex. It wasn’t that it made all communication stop. On the contrary, I found that we were able to communicate through one of the most intimate outlets possible. Both of us were very open to exploration and often read articles about tantra and tried to enhance our intimacy through such a marvelous act of love.
I can understand that he would be concerned, but marriage is not the end all be all. It is not something that once happened, everything is peachy.
To me, marriage could be the landmark of any significant reach into an intimate field of another person. Besides, how could a legal agreement with the state signify when a couple is ready to experience intimacy through an act so personal as sex.
All of this is of course bias. I’ll admit, it sometimes got in the way of exploring other means of communication, but I do not believe that it is a barrier to it.
Just out of curiousity, is your therapist/conselour religious? what path has his own life followed? Has this been his experience? What does he believe about sex?
Often times, I think men have a different perspective on sex than women, in addition to having different societal expectations put upon them.
Like seeing any conselour, I would say remember that they are there to consel, not dictate what to do. I mean, in the end, if they don’t accept you or respond in a way you decide is beneficial to your mental health, you can just fire them.
(I just found this blog, and just wanted to say thank you.)